Loyalty and Hope
by Serenus03
Summary: After Merlin gets kidnapped for his information, he's not the same. He has a long road of recovery ahead. Good thing Arthur is there to help.


08.01.20 4

Loyalty and Hope

The fire crackled and sputtered in the fireplace. The flames forming a beautiful dance of light on Merlin's face as he sat in the chair. His eyes were unfocused as if he was lost in the memories, but there was clear distress on his face. His hands gripped so tight on the armrests that they were white. His whole body tensed and shrunk in on itself. He looked so damn scared.

And there was nothing Arthur could do. Whenever he did, Merlin's magic flared and threw Arthur across the room like he was a mere ragdoll.

It frustrated him to no ends. This happened at least thrice a week and had been going on ever since they got Merlin back, and it had been almost 2 months now. His hope of Merlin ever going back to normal was dwindling as each day wore on.

Though he supposed Merlin had every right to act like he did.

Considering how he looked now compared to when they found him, he looked like the healthiest man alive. He could still remember seeing Merlin lying down, as thin as a stick, with wounds littering his body, and bruises covering him wherever his skin was whole. He looked like a canvas with splatters of red, green and purple.

The battle raged on around him as he retrieved his sword from his opponent's body. He could barely draw a breath before another one attacked him from behind. He twirled around and parried the sword that was about to hit his abdomen. He waited to parry the next swing, then swung to the right and drove his sword through the man's stomach. His foe barely even had time to react before Arthur thrust his sword forward once more and ended his life.

He quickly scanned to see how the others were holding up. They all fought with the fierceness of a thousand warriors. He decided they could hold their own and turned around to continue down the stairs. He stumbled clumsily down the stairs in his haste. As soon as he hit the bottom, he righted himself up and continued running through the long corridor. After a few meters it expanded and revealed lots of small rooms with bars in front of them. Cells.

His eyes roved from side to side as he looked for any sign of his husband. There was another door at the end of the hall. He went over to it and slowly opened it. There were manacles hanging from the walls, and various contraptions littered all over the place.

He shuddered. It was a torture chamber. His eyes searched the floor, hoping his husband weren't here. The thought made a chill run down his spine.

In the furthermost corner of the room, he saw a slumped figure. He slowly made his way towards it and crouched down.

The figure had black hair, and big ears. And he was thin. Oh Gods, so thin. Arthur shakily reached a hand forward and put his middle and index finger on the man's neck. There was no reaction from him. That didn't help to calm him. He held his fingers there for a few seconds and felt nothing. No steady thumping from the man's heart. He was too late…

No wait! There was a slight fluttering, a careful rhythmic beat. He jumped into action after that. He carefully stuck his hand under his lover's back and under his legs. He lifted himself and Merlin up and rested his head towards his chest. He left the room and went up the stairs again.

What met him when he came back was the sight of all the mercenaries laying on the ground, and his knights standing around him, hope on their faces.

"Just leave them here. We must get back to Camelot. Merlin needs a physician."

The first few nights were riddled with nightmares for both. Merlin would wake up screaming and thrashing, eyes flaring gold like his magic was trying to protect him. Arthur would relive the moment he found Merlin, but most of the times it was already too late.

He kept seeing his husband's ocean blue eyes, so full of life, shining with joy and happiness turn a dull grey, just staring lifelessly at his face, not blinking, not moving. Dead.

When Merlin first woke up, he didn't even believe he was saved. He kept muttering to himself that they weren't real. That they would never get their information. Curling in on himself to protect himself.

His body was so starved that he threw up everything solid he ate, so they had to feed him a thin broth, and not until he was satisfied. Just a few spoonful's every now and then. His throat was sore from screaming and lack of water.

Arthur's heart broke a little more every time Merlin flinched or tried to get away. Every time he dreamt he was back in that cell. Every time he shrunk in on himself, instinctively protecting himself from Arthur.

10 years of relationships, of trust and friendships, adventures, happiness, sorrow, of life, ruined and erased in a matter of weeks.

As soon as Merlin was well enough to go outside, Arthur brought him with him to the training grounds, where all the knights trained. He sat Merlin down on one of the benches so he could watch as Arthur trained the recruits.

Something must've set Merlin off, because suddenly he started screaming, thrashing. His eyes were panicked, and he pleaded with them not to hurt him anymore. He curled in on himself, dragged his feet up to his chest, made himself as small as possible.

Arthur ran over and carefully crouched down in front of him.

"Merlin?" he asked in the softest voice he could muster. When that didn't work, he tried again, a bit louder, a bit more forceful. After the third time without any reaction except more thrashing, more pleading, he carefully reached out his hand. He grabbed onto Merlin's hands and held them against his own chest. He could feel Merlin shake, vibrate against him.

He spoke reassurances, held him close, everything he could think of to calm him down. After a few minutes Merlin had calmed down again, but his eyes were still panicked. Arthur helped him up and lead him back to their chambers. He sat Merlin down in one of the chairs and let him calm down himself.

He sat himself in the other chair by the fire and waited.

Gods, he missed Merlin. The old Merlin. The talkative, sassy, joking, stubborn, kind, wise idiot. The one that would call him a prat when he was acting out of hand. The one that wasn't afraid to talk against him, challenge him on his views. The one that would spend days just talking and kidding about in their childish way that he really should've grown out of by now.

This Merlin was reserved, scared, silent, docile. He was just a shell. A bad copy of the man he once was.

"I'm sorry." A hoarse voice muttered to the right of him. He looked up and saw Merlin staring at him.

"What?"

"I'm sorry. For this. For being a liability, a burden."

"No, Merlin. Don't think like that. Don't ever think like that. You're no liability, and you're certainly no burden. I love you. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. You would never be a burden."

"I'm broken. I keep you up at night, make you worry. You have much more important things to worry about."

"And those worries can wait until you're better. You've always been there for me. You're one of the most loyal people I've ever met. You've saved my life more times than I can count. My father executed magic-users. He split your family; made you grow up without a father. You had every reason to hate me and my father, but still you saved me.

"For years you kept your magic secret, living at the very heart of the kingdom that so despised you. But still you went on. You fought in the name of a better future. You stood by my side as I treated you like dirt. You rode out with me to fight beasts and armies without a single weapon and no form of armour. You sacrificed so much, got hurt so much, but no matter what happened you continued to fight, to hope. Don't stop fighting now. Don't stop hoping.

"You can never be a burden. I owe you so much, and it's time I paid some of it back."

Merlin stared at him. He slowly got up and walked over. He bowed down and dragged Arthur into a tight hug. Arthur stiffened for a second before hugging him back. They both revelled at holding each other close.

"Thank you" Merlin's voice was thick with emotion.

"No, thank you."

Life may not be fine and dandy. It might go to hell, or maybe it'll just work out. Who knows? Life is unpredictable like that.

One thing he was sure of was that he would never, ever, give up on Merlin.

Even if Merlin might give up on himself.


End file.
